I’m a big sucker for Christmas. I love the lights, the trees, the carols, the food, even the smell of Christmas (and yes, it really does have a smell). But what I probably enjoy most about the Christmas is all of the wonderful movies!
Because Liam and I are too cheap to get cable (Dan, this is where you call us Cheap Bastards), we miss out on a lot of the classic holiday films they show on TV. So to get my fill, I’m implementing a mandatory viewing party from now until Christmas Day. I call it “25 Christmas Movies in 25 Days!” (pretty clever title, huh?).
As a side note, we pathetically attempted this same feat back in 2008 with dismal results. Rest assured, we WILL get through all 25 this year. And you’re all welcome to drop by for any or all of these classics. Here’s the lineup:
25 Christmas Movies in 25 Days
December 1st—National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. There’s nothing quite like a Griswold Christmas. It’s the perfect movie to get you in the holiday spirit, and I’d wager, one of the only movies that can make you feel better about your dysfunctional family. “We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!”
December 2nd—Elf. One of my favorite movies of all time, Christmas or not…and the movie I named our cat after. “Bye Buddy, hope you find your Dad.” “Thanks Mr. Norwall!”
December 3rd—Love Actually. Christmas comedy featuring hot British accents and love in its many forms. Also the movie containing a scene with the most romantic gesture of all time—the cue cards. “But for now, let me say – Without hope or agenda – Just because it’s Christmas – And at Christmas you tell the truth – To me, you are perfect.” Can someone please pick me up off the ground ‘cause I think I just M.E.L.T.E.D.
December 4th—The Santa Claus. Kid movie with Tim Allen and pretty funny from what I remember (when I saw it in the theatre in the 4th grade).
December 5th—Frosty the Snowman. I’m not gonna lie. This one was kind of a filler. I actually find this movie extremely annoying, particularly the guy that sings all the songs. But hey, gotta get to 25!
December 6th—The Bishops Wife. Never seen it, but looking forward to checking this 1947 classic (if we can find it). IMDB tells me it’s about “a bishop trying to get a new cathedral built and he prays for guidance. An angel arrives, but his guidance isn’t about fundraising.” And P.S. Cary Grant is the angel. Yummy 🙂
December 7th—Ernest Saves Christmas. As the title implies, Ernest the bumbling fool is somehow responsible for assisting the big guy with Christmas. “Ahh, smell those Christmas trees. You can keep your ‘Channel’ Number 5, just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine. That symbol of brotherly love, that centerpiece that all mankind gathers around to share the cranberry sauce shaped like a can.”
December 8th—Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. He’s a misfit and just looking for a place where people will accept him! Who can’t relate to old Rudy?! The film also contains one of my favorite quotes I used to recite about a former coworker (ah-hem, BrianKMerchantTheThird): “Jingle, jingle, jingle / Hear my sleigh bells ring / I am old Kris Kringle / I’m the king of jing-a-ling.” You had to be there.
December 9th—Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas. Can you believe I’ve never seen this classic? It’s a toe-tapping Christmas favorite, apparently. “A poor otter family risks everything for the chance to win the cash prize of a talent contest for Christmas.” Awww! Charity, cute fuzzy animals, and singing? Sounds like my kind of film.
December 10th—White Christmas. Another classic I’ve never had the pleasure of viewing. “A successful song-and-dance team become romantically involved with a sister act and team up to save the failing inn of their former commanding general.” If that doesn’t say “good times” I don’t know what does. Trivia: It’s set in Vermont!
December 11th—Scrooged. Billy Murray stars as a super self absorbed TV producer who doesn’t like Christmas. So of course, ghosts from Christmases past begin to haunt the shit out of him in an attempt to change his ways.
December 12th—The Nightmare Before Christmas. I have also never seen this creepy Tim Burton classic! As a child, I was petrified of movie, and would turn the channel if even a preview came on. But no worries—I’m mentally preparing!
December 13th—Gremlins. I’m told this is a Christmas movie, but it also falls into the category of “I was too afraid to see it as a kid.” Also, I’m pretty sure my parents convinced me it was a horror movie, and rated X. Looking forward to checking out a young Corey Feldman.
December 14th—Prancer. Another one of my favorite movies that I’ve seen every year since I was a little girl. It’s a heart-warming tale about a young girl who finds an injured reindeer and is convinced it’s Prancer. You will laugh, you will cry (uncontrollably), and you will hate mean Sam Elliot!!! “The moon’s almost full. It’ll be full on Christmas Eve. Don’t you see? It all fits together!”
December 15th—Bad Santa. Billy Bob Thorton stars a very naughty, and often drunk, Santa Claus , who plans to rob department stores on Christmas Eve. It’s a hilarious and vulgar movie that will leave you wondering whose lap you’re putting your kid on at the mall. “Your beard’s not real.” “No Shit! It was real, but I got sick and all the hair fell out.” “How come?” “I loved a woman who wasn’t clean.” “Mrs. Santa?” “No, it was her sister.”
December 16th—The Muppets Christmas Carol. It’s the remake of the classic film all about cheap ole Ebenezer Scrooge—but with muppets! “Rats don’t understand these things.” “You were never a lonely a child?” “I had twelve hundred and seventy four brothers and sisters!” “Boy! Rats don’t understand these things!”
December 17th—Polar Express. The film version of the beloved children’s book about a magical train that takes kids to the North Pole. Pretty good movie, overall. Except for the creepy animated eyes of every character in the movie. They’re enough to keep you up at night.
December 18th—A Charlie Brown Christmas. Poor Charlie Brown. Nothing ever goes right for this favorite cartoon character. He just wants to find the true meaning of Christmas, but instead finds himself in a series of unfortunate mishaps, including one with his infamous tree. “I’ve killed it. Oh! Everything I touch gets ruined!”
December 19th—Home Alone. My dad loves to tell the story of how he “snuck” us in to this movie on opening day, way back in 1991. I’ll do him proud: It was a bitter winter day as my brothers, my dad, and I all waited in an enormous line at Cinema 9 to see Home Alone. We were all really young, and of course, couldn’t handle the cold. My dad decided to bring us inside to warm up. It was a mob scene inside. Kids everywhere, parents looking stressed out, the staff looking like they were going to go crazy. We were in there for no more than 2 minutes when all of a sudden the manager approached us. “Sir, please. If you have your tickets please head in.” Before my dad could say anything, the guy starts ushering us to the theatre. “Now, we only have a few seats left. Two in the very front row, and two in the second row. Do you mind being spilt up?” Mind? My dad is the cheapest person in the world. He was practically jumping for joy when he learned he had just saved himself $30 on tickets for the family. “No, no, this will be fine,” he said as well took our seats. “But Dad. We didn’t p—“ “Amy! This will be fine. Thank you, sir,” and the manager walked away. With a smile from ear to ear he then declared “Popcorn for everyone!!!” It was one of his most triumphant days.
December 20th—Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Aww, who doesn’t love this film?! Little Max just smelts your heart. And “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch” will get stuck in your head until New Years. “You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch / Your heart’s an empty hole / Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul / Mr. Grinch / I wouldn’t touch you with a…. thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!”
December 21st—A Garfield Christmas Special. This is one of LP’s favorites from childhood. It’s actually not bad. Storyline: “Garfield, Jon, and Odie go to Jon’s grandmother’s house for Christmas, where Garfield finds a present for Grandma.”
December 22nd—Miracle on 34th Street. A santa working in the Macy’s department store claims to be the “real” Mr. Claus and says his name is “Kris Kringle.” Everyone thinks he’s insane, except for a little girl. So he goes to court to prove he’s the real deal. ”I believe… I believe… It’s silly, but I believe.” Such a good one!
December 23rd—It’s a Wonderful Life. With a title like that, you won’t think this film would be depressing for 75% of the movie…but it is. It’s also one of my favorite Christmas movie that teaches you to appreciate the life you have and the people in it. “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”
December 24th—Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. A personal fav that I watched with my family every year on Christmas Eve. The plot is simple: Big Bird is convinced that because Santa is so fat he won’t be able to fit down any chimneys, and thus, no one will get presents on Christmas morning. So he sets out to see how Santa makes it happen. It’s full of funny scenes, great songs, and an extra-special message that only Sesame Street can deliver. Highly recommend!
December 25th—A Christmas Story. What better movie to watch on Christmas Day than this classic? There will even be a marathon on, so no matter where we are, we’ll get a chance to see it. “I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!” “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”