Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on here. I was reminded of this fact as my favorite shuttle driver escorted me into work this morning. God, that old man is bonkers. But anyway, you already know that.
Posting on a regular basis was one of my biggest concerns about doing a blog. I never wanted to feel like obligated to write a certain amount per week or even month because I knew the quality would suffer. I also wanted to avoid posting mindless shit that was reminiscent of my old LiveJournal account or a Facebook status: “OMG. Today I went tanning and got sooo burned! I look like a raccoon. Lolz!” I’m sad to admit that was an actual post from my college years. And despite all of this, here I am wasting two paragraphs of your precious time on the mindless shit I wanted to avoid in the first place!
Let’s talk about a different kind of shit for a minute–DOG shit. I’ve been dog-sitting Maggie since Saturday and I’m really enjoying it. She’s such a good dog–she never barks, she’s listens when I call her, and she’s really sweet. The only thing I’m kind of struggling with is picking up her poop.
I’ve come to the conclusion that there is NOTHING more degrading than picking up dog shit. The whole concept really just blows my mind. We are a pretty evolved society. We have electric cars, iPhones, the world-wide-web, and have almost nailed down time travel. But you’re telling me no one has come up with a better alternative to sticking your hand in a thin plastic bag and picking up a hot pile of dog crap?
Each time I bend over to properly dispose of Maggie’s “business,” I know every cat-owning neighbor is laughing uncontrollably and thinking “What a sucker.” As if that’s not bad enough, I then have to walk home CARRYING the smelly bag of poop for all of Shelburne Road to see. I call this the Dog Shit Walk of Shame. Why don’t I just stamp “This dog OWNS me” on my forehead and call it a day?
I’m serious when I say the person that invented this practice should be rewarded. He or she has managed to dupe an entire society into believing Fido is worth following around and cleaning up after. I mean, think about it. No one treats dogs like we do here in America. We invent “doggy daycares” for them, allow them to take up half of our beds, take them for walks a few times a day, and sometimes pay an exorbitant amount of money just to own them. What do other countries do? Make them sleep outside until they’re ready to eat them. Ok, so that’s not the norm. I’m just saying it’s crazzzzy we pick up dog poop and think nothing of it! It’s no wonder some dogs don’t listen to their owners—would you respect someone on their hands and knees picking up your breakfast, lunch, & dinner? Yeah, didn’t think so.
Before I stop talking about this lovely subject, what’s the proper etiquette on doggy-diarrhea? A good friend told me “we don’t pick that up,” and that was the best news I’d heard all day.