Caution to my friends and family out there who are, shall we say, a little more on the reserved side. This post is about sex (*gasp!*). I’ll give you a moment to get back to MarthaStewart.com….Cool. Moving along.
Hey, everyone else! Today at work, while I was surfing the ‘net for something naughty to feature, I came across an interesting article on a new television show called “7 Days of Sex” on Lifetime Television for Women.
Considering that we don’t get cable, it’s possible you’ve already seen a preview for this new series and are all like, “Duh, Amy. Everyone knows about 7 Days of Sex.” But for the purposes of this post I’m going to pretend that’s not true.
The premise of 7 Days of Sex is
stupid simple: Struggling couples attempt to save their marriages by having sex for a week straight. Ok no, not really a week straight. They still have to go to work and take care of their nightmarish children [more on that in a few paragraphs], but you get the drift. When I say “struggling,” I literally mean two people who can’t stand each other’s faces anymore and are on the brink of divorce. Sex will totalllly solve all of their problems.
Although the title sounds nice and steamy, 7 Days of Sex looks like the MOST BORING SHOW IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. Screw abstinence-only sex ed—they should just make kids watch this because I swear to God, it’s visual birth control. Here, take a look yourself:
WOW. In that 30-second clip we have: a chick getting burned by hot wax, another saying “it was the worst sex of my life,” and the previously-mentioned nightmarish child pounding on the bedroom door screaming “keep it down, I’m trying to sleep!” If there was a hell on Earth, it’s wherever this show is filmed.
Lifetime, known mostly for their made-for-tv rape and missing children dramas, really seems to be going in a new direction. What I’d like to know is how they found willing participants? AND how do you convince your partner being on reality tv show about your crumbling relationship and lack-luster sex life is a good idea?
Honey, I know we haven’t been getting along lately, with you living in that new apartment building and all, but I think I have the solution to really turn things around. Marriage counseling? No, no, that shit’s for pussies. 7 Days of Sex. Yeahhhh. Our sex life will be broadcast on television sets all across this great nation and it will save our marriage. Hand to the sky.
What might be a more appropriate name for this show is 7 Days of Punishment.
Sorry, ladies. I can’t go out with you tonight. I have to lay there like a dead fish and wait for Billy to get hard enough to have sex for exactly one minute, fourteen seconds. It’s going to save our marriage.
Anyway. 7 Days of Sex premieres Thursday, April 26th at 10/9c. Let me know what you think of it!